VOSTOK #1 - Full Script

[jrogers]

Why go now? That's one of the pending questions of the miniseries. Hopefully it's something we can reveal a little later without frustrating the reader.

By the second issue, when we turn focus on the four person crew, then I think the full idea behind everything will start to come together.

Thanks for the comments. I'm writing out some initial ideas for the next phase of the project, and I have to say, the discussions here are on my mind as I do so.

[davidaccampo]

Also, on the surface, you have:

- Valerie, who wants to go now because she'll be dead later.

- William who just wants to go with her.

- Freeman who is just trading one method of death for another.

- Beck who wants to go there because they'd NEVER send Walcott until it COULD go both ways. If he waited for Walcott, he'd never be able to see it first.

At least that's what we're attempting to show. I think we do touch on these aspects a bit in the first issue, and we will follow up in subsequent issues. As Jeremy mentioned, we are definitely very aware of the issues, and we're noting this as we continue to write. Even in our conversations, we're still pitching each other ideas of flashbacks, snippets from the outer world, and other elements that we can use to tie up the motivations as we progress.

And: I have touched up some of the dialogue with Valerie and William. We now reveal that Val has been holed up in a farmhouse in Indiana coming to terms with her fate. Beck also indicates that she's "wasting her time and talent" doing that -- so we can see that he approached her to do this mission NOW while he could still use her. So that's something that may help that you guys haven't read yet -- but is now part of the first issue (thanks to Jayvee for his comments there).

[jayvee]

*nod nod*

Have you guys thought about having a LOST formula to this book?

INTRODUCTORY SCENE.
FLASHBACK.
NOW SCENE.
FLASHBACK.
NOW SCENE.
FLASHBACK.
CLIFFHANGER.

It's a strategy that works amazingly well for character-driven literature.

For instance, you could start with the team prepping the Lorelei [3 pages], flash back to the press conference including that bit about the cave at the beginning [4 pages], do some more scenes about them prepping (Val and Will having their final talk there) [3 pages], flash back to some more juicy stuff [3 pages], More prep scenes [3 pages], flash back to Walcott's call [3 pages], and then finally the descent [3 pages].

Maybe rewrite the script from another point of view, and then incorporate the two together.

While this script is good--I said as much before--it's your baby and you can play around with it however much you want.

I've never made a rewrite that didn't shed some further light onto the original project.

[davidaccampo]

HUGE fan of LOST, and I love movies that jump around in time. In fact, our short film is told out of sequence.

But in this instance...hmmmm, I'll talk to Jeremy about it, but my initial thoughts would be this:

The countdown sequence works for me as a staple of the "science adventure", even if we're going to turn it on its ear later. I like the tense, prep for launch type of stuff where everyone's nervous and getting ready, and we're actually getting good character stuff there.

I THINK it would be as good as if we flashed back. I like your idea about actually going back and forth and showing the characters PRIOR to their arrival, but I'm not sure just how much it would improve the stuff you guys are worried about. I mean, I love the idea of a scene where Freeman reads a letter from Beck while in prison. Or where Beck goes to visit Valerie on the farm. It WOULD cut down onthe exposition with Beck and Riley, but it would add time overall, and I want to get under the ice. One of the things I personally like about the exposition with Beck is that we've compressed a lot there -- Beck is giving his attitude (a display of character), and his thoughts on his crew (backstory), while at the same time we're SHOWING the characters in the moment (display of character).

I dunno -- I'm kinda proud of that. Especially in light of conversations about compression/decompression and how to use them well. ;D

I think what Jeremy and I intend to do is continue forward with the script. Perhaps #2 will alleviate the concerns. If not, we can probably either re-write at that point, or continue forward at re-write after we've finished it.

[nolan]

Flashbacks are hard ot pull off.

Honestly, this seemed like too much setup. Could you get to the real action faster and compress the setup while keeping the same things?

[davidaccampo]

nolan said:

Flashbacks are hard ot pull off.

Honestly, this seemed like too much setup. Could you get to the real action faster and compress the setup while keeping the same things?

I gotta be honest -- the comments here have really made us think it over...but -- and I really don't like how defensive this comes off on my part -- I really do feel like these are valid concerns that would come up with any similar type of fiction. I've been looking over some other books, like Rucka's Whiteout and Fraction's Five Fists of Science (cuz it was sitting on top of Whiteout), and I see a similar balance of exposition and character moments.

What we have still feels approximately right to me (with a few tweaks based on your comments). If we rush too much on the technical exposition, people won't believe it. Too much on the characters, people won't believe them.

Basically, I think the comments here have been very useful, but as with every workshop type situation, Jeremy and I have to look at the concerns and balance them with our own judgement. I think we've gotten some great feedback, and we're still tweaking it a bit, but I think we're happy enough with what we've learned here to proceed forward with it.

I can post the original treatment if people are interested...OR we can try to get the second issue together. I'd be curious to see how you guys respond as it moves along...

[nolan]

Dave, why is the mission being sent now and not later if the technology will kill everyone?

Why not take 5 or 10 more years and improve the technology?

That was a big question that came up when I read this.

[jrogers]

Treading lightly, not to get into spoiler territory, but there is a rush to get into the lake. There are some details to come later on that should illuminate the importance of studying the lake, and perfecting the equipment. I will say that the reason to drill into the lake, at the extreme cost of life and money, is both a factor or plot AND character.

Our intention with Walcott's conversation in the beginning is to shed light on the fact that this technology does not yet work completely, not enough for the real money to come in from it. Now how the events are set into motion are details that we're intentionally holding - don't want to reveal everything right in the beginning.

We've stated the unique environment of Vostok with the press conference, and with tidbits here and there. The discovery of this ecosystem alone warrants examination, both in our story and in real life. The quest to venture into Vostok is indeed a real one, and one happening pretty quickly.

So at this point, the reader should be aware of the nature of the lake, how it was presented in the conference. That's the public view of the mission. The little insight into how things work behind the curtain clearly is different. The suicide mission isn't known, as evidenced by the media version of the team. Walcott and his crew will be hidden away in safe houses during the course of the expedition, and will stage their return from the lake.

We're giving a little more to the reader than what the public is given in the story. Why and how it all comes together... well, that's story that honestly needs time to unfold.

My question is: knowing what you know of the Lake Vostok, of the interest in Europa, of the fake team, of the real team, are you willing to continue reading to see what happens next or are the hanging questions too big to wait for a calculated reveal?

The way I see it is that we've given fact and established characters. And now, we can tell the story. I'm still very happy with the balance of both in the first issue. There's a momentum that works while explaining the technology and introducing the characters. And the lake itself, it's a fascinating find. To not reveal the specifics of the lake right up front is to take away the exteme situation and the sense of wonder of a lake buried 2.5 miles under the arctic circle.

I still say "why" is a point that's coming.

[nolan]

Well the fact that we're asking these questions means that we care enough to ask them.

[jrogers]

Armageddon has been mentioned in this thread, and I understand that in that flick, we know why the drillers are rushing into space. But we don't have an asteroid the size of Texas. We don't have a countdown to anything... What we have is a race that is more vague. Our characters, both those possibly on their way to death, and those with different interests, all have validation to their actions. It's not all yet on the page, but for the first 1/4 of the story, I don't think it has to be.

If there are gaps in logic or reasoning in the end, well, then we didn't do our job as writers. It's helpful, and a little strange, to discuss the first chapter like this. I want to add, though, that all of the feedback has definitely cemented in our minds that we're on the right track.

[nolan]

I think the trouble is that you and dave know exactly what is going on but we've only seen 1/4 of the story. So we very well might be asking questions that you answer on page 6 of issue 3.

[jrogers]

nolan said:

Well the fact that we're asking these questions means that we care enough to ask them.

I completely agree. It's all been very helpful. I mentioned earlier, that the thoughtful feedback here is excellent. I really appreciate how you guys are digging in and offering thoughts and opinions.

We're tireless sometimes when talking about our projects. So I hope that we're not coming across as defending our work without consideration to the thoughts of others. By talking back and forth like we're doing, we're working out details.

I consider all of this very helpful.

[davidaccampo]

Yeah, and BTW Jeremy, I just sent you a free-form draft of an outline for 5+ issues of Vostok. Yep...I think we might have to extend to 5 or 6 issues. But that's just a reallllly rough outline. Heads up -- it's in your email.

Nolan -- I think Jeremy said it very well. But let me ask a different question: Do you want to know why NASA wants to go now? Or do you want to know why Beck wants to go now?

Because, I'll be honest (and Jeremy, I'm just thinking about this now), Nolan may have a point. We SHOW that NASA and the private company are telling Walcott that it's all going to be OK. And we DO show why Beck wants to go (his desire to have something that's HIS comes up several times in conversation), but we don't reveal in the first issue why NASA would capitulate to Beck, other than a brief mention that NASA needs the positive image.

Now, I know we have plans for this -- and I know we're probably going to work it in later....but perhaps that's something we could work in by re-working one of the early scenes? Like where Walcott is talking about how it's close to working..? Even an indication from teh businessman about how they've talked about this, and they're doing it now.

Sorry guys -- that's probably a creative conversation we should have on the sideline, but it's 2:15 my time, and I'm just brainstorming while over-tired...

But I think that may be worth re-visting the script. Nolan raises a good point about now just showing how it would work, but WHY they're letting Beck have his mission now.

[davidaccampo]

OK, I was taking out the trash earlier, and I think I figured out something...I ran it by Jeremy. We have a lot of info on Vostok, but we're re-thinking how we present some of this info.

See what you guys think of this:

We only vaguely mention that NASA needs a Europa mission. But Nolan pointed out that we don't say why in this first issue.

Now, going back to STephen Hawking's recent quote, he also stated that we're only years ago from a permanent colony on the moon.

Our story is set a few years after a moon colony disaster. Europa is important because it may be able to sustain life. Vostok is the key to Europa.

The world is still talking about global warming and overpopulation, stuff that's currently in the spotlight because of Hawking's comments and Al Gore's movie. A shift in Antarctic climates may soon cause environmental changes that could eventually expose Vostok, thus contaminating the pristine find.

Adding fuel to the fire, this is a point in time when North Korea has had a successful space launch and is working towards a Mars mission.

By starting Vostok 5 years before the technology allows it, they can get a jump on the new space race, and all it costs them are a dying woman, a murderer and a couple decent scientists.

Now, if we can HINT at all of that in the first issue, how would that work for you guys? We'd follow up on much of it later, but I think we could plant all those seeds with just a few tweaks.

[jayvee]

That's a pretty bold plot to try and hint at inconspicuously.