Post by harlanlovestone on Aug 27, 2006 18:15:19 GMT -5
Ok so I'm finally trying to write my own stories. This is sort of a 4th rate super hero that I created. He'd be sort of a combination of the Mask and the Hulk though no where near as powerful. But he's strong and also uses his novelty items to fight criminals along with a baseball bat. Anyway here is the beginning of the story I'm still working on it. let me know what you think.
“THE FREAK” – JUSTICE GETS INSANE! By Harlan Lovestone
PAGE 1: SPLASH OF INTERIOR OF A NOVELTY SHOP
CAP: A young Clyde Stanpopalis is walking in a huge Detroit novelty store holding his dads hand. There are boxes towering up to the ceiling, giant balloon figures and shelves filled with merchandise. His father shows him around.
DAD: This shop has been in the family now for 2 generations. Someday son when your grown up this place will be all yours.
PAGE 2:
Panel One: Fullshot of Clyde, dad in background
CAP: Young Clyde runs about playfully. He feels so happy like he is in Disneyland.
Panel Two: Birdseye view
Suddenly we see older Clyde now in his mid thirties, glasses, a pencil neck geek, awakening at his desk in the novelty shop its covered with bills and invoices a real mess.
Panel Three: CU
He looks at and grabs a picture of his old man.
CLYDE: “Dad what am I supposed to do? “ I can’t pay off this debt. The shops in hock. It’s all too much ! I’m not strong like you. I feel like I’m going crazy!! How I wish you were here. You’d know what to do. I’ve made so many mistakes.
He begins to cry.
Panel Four
A kid around 18 walks in named Eric Lloyd, Cylde’s shop assistant. “Yo, boss looks like it’s a slow day, you don’t mind if I take off early do you?”
CAP: Eric Lloyd, a young ambitious 19 year old who wants to be a filmmaker. He has worked for Clyde for 3 years now. One day he came in begging for a job. Times are hard in the Motor city. The job helps Eric with his overwhelming responsibilities at home. Clyde hasn’t had the heart to tell him the shop is in trouble, although Eric senses something is wrong of late.
Panel 5
ERIC: Yo Boss, Since business is slow this afternoon, I figured I’d take off early take care of some things.
CLYDE- :Yeah, sure sure. (hiding tears)
PAGE THREE
Panel 1
ERIC: You alright man?
CLYDE: Yeah everything’s fine.
ERIC : Oh, I was wondering if I could get a pay advance today. You see ,classes just started and I could really use the bread for school right now. You know how it is.
CLYDE: Sure.Why not.
Panel 2
CAP: He hands the kid some cash out of his pocket.
ERIC: aw man I don’t mean to take your last buck. You can pay tomor…
CLYDE: No you take it. I’ll go to the ATM later.
ERIC: you sure?
Panel 3
CLYDE: Just spend it wisely grasshopper. On books and supplies .
ERIC: Ah man, you know it! Thanks Clyde.
Panel 4
CLYDE: Lock up behind you I think I’m talking off early too.
ERIC: Ok. See ya tomorrow!
Clyde: Alright see ya.
Panel 5
Eric leaves the shop on his bike.
Panel 6
Back in the shop Clyde holds his head in despair.
There is a knock at the door.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1 Clyde rising from his desk.
Clyde: Alright Eric I’ll be right there. Let me grab my keys .
Panel 2
Clyde takes a cocktail psychotropic drugs and heads to the door.
Panel 3
CAP: Clyde pulls keys out of his desk…
Panel 4
CAP…and goes to the door and opens it.
Panel 5
CAP: Two big suited thugs push their way in. Muscles Malone and Danny Cool.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1
DANNY: Hello, Clyde. Long time no see.
CLYDE: I wasn’t expecting you this early.
Panel 2
DANNY: Well, you know how it is. Mr. Howard sent me to see how you were doing. He likes to be abreast of his investments.
CAP: Danny of course is referring to Mr. Josh Howard. A wealthy business man who lives in Birmingham , a ritzy burb just outside Detroit. Howard is one of Motown’s self made racketeers who front’s his nefarious operations as a legit car parts dealer.
Clyde: (Scared) W..Well I’m fine just fine.
Panel 3
DANNY: You have three days left Clyde to come up with the money. How’s that going?
Panel 4
Clyde doesn’t answer. H e just looks down at the floor and sweats buckets.
PAGE SIX
Panel 1
Muscles grabs him and smacks him.
Panel 2
DANNY: I asked you a friggin question worm.
Clyde: I…I…. I still don’t have the money.
The thugs laugh at Clyde stutter and sweat.
DANNY: Clyde you never told us you had a stutter. I I I I I I I. …ha ha haThat is priceless. Tsk tsk tsk, but You still don’t have the money. Not Good Clyde.No Siree. Mr. H ain’t gonna like that.
CLYDE: Look I still have 3 days, I swear I’ll get you the money.
Panel 3
DANNY: Don’t worry about me getting the money, worry about paying Mr.H on time. Yes Clyde you do have 3 days. But I know your type. You’re a loser. And like all the rest you won’t have the money when the time is up. And that’s when this place becomes ours and Muscles here breaks both your legs and then you disappear like Jimmy Hoffa. Nothing personal of course, but we have to set examples so others get the hint that it pays to pay on time. One guy gets away with something and then everyone wants some slack. It’s not good economics.
Panel 4
DANNY : Your a good Kid Clyde. Soft, but a good kid. Your not built for pain and violence. Gezz look at this dump, whoopee cushions, ballons. It’s a joke. We don’t want this useless crap. You got 3 days freak! Try to come up with the friggin’ cash.
The thugs leave. Clyde is shaking. Finally he yells
“Get out you creeps.!!!!
Panel 5
Black
CAPTION: 3 days later.
PAGE 7
Panel 1
Eric is sitting at the counter as clyde walsk out of his office.
CLYDE: Hey Eric why don..Why don’t you take off early today.
ERIC: Gee you sure? I still got another hour left on the clock.
CLYDE: Nah, go home. Let me give you something for today.
Panel 2
ERIC: That’s ok. You just advanced me the other day remember?
CLYDE: Eric I haven’t been completely honest with you. Truth is you know the shop hasn’t been don’t well and today, today is probably the last day.
ERIC: What do you mean?
CLYDE: I’m closing the shop.
Panel 3
ERIC: Aw man don’t do that. I’m sure its just a set back, things will turn around. There building all over this neighborhood. This is just a slump you’ll see.
CLYDE: Eric we’ve been in a slump since you started working here 3 years ago. Look don’t worry I put in a good word for you at Mr.Dahala’s Grocery. Just tell him you need a job and he’ll hire you.
ERIC: I wish you had told me all this the other day when I asked for money. If you had told me then I wouldn’t have asked.
CLYDE: Don’t worry about it. Just stay in school and don’t forget me when you’re a big time filmmaker.
Panel 4
ERIC: I won’t. I don’t know how to thank you Clyde. You’ve been the best boss I’ve ever had. I guess I’ll see you around.
Panel 5
Clyde looks down
CLYDE: sure you will
PAGE *
Panel 1
Eric leaves out as Clyde continues standing and looking down.
Panel 2 Same pose except Clyde is crying
Panel 3 Same pose but Clyde is real letting the tears flow
Panel 4. Same pose but now he lets out a giggle.
PAGE 9
Panel 1 More giggling!
Panel 2 Clyde is cackling insanely.
Panel 3 Clyde pulls open a desk drawer with a lighter inside.
Panel 4 Clyde pulls out the lighter
PAGE 10
Panel 1
Clyde goes into a storage room.
Panel 2
He unloosens a gas meter. And laughs histerically.
Panel 3
Clyde graps a Louieville slugger and a stuffed chimp toy.
Panel 4
The front door opens.
PAGE 11
Panel 1
Danny Cool and Muscles Malone walk in.
DANNY: OK. Clyde it pay or pray day.
Panel 2:
Clyde jumps out behind the counter with the louieville and begins busting up his own counter.
CLYDE: How about play day?!!!! HA HA HA HA!
Panel 2:
Muscles begins to pull out his gun.
DANNY : Well look who jumped off the nut wagon. Let me guess you ain’t got the money, but you think you got an equalizer is that it? You might as well toss the slugger. We’ll just cap you one now and beat you with it afterwards.
Panel 3:
Clyde puts down the bat but he has an insane look in his eyes.
Panel 4
Muscles grabs him and lifts Clyde up in the air off his feet. Clyde is still laughing insanely.
DANNY: I guess he really is off his rocker. Wait a minute what’s that smell.
PAGE 12
Panel 1: Close up of the gas tank leaking.
Panel 2: Clyde reaches down in his pocket
Panel 3: He throws a lit lighter into the storage room.
DANNY: CRAP! RUN!!!
PAGE 13
Panel 1: Exterior shot of the building exploding.
PAGE 14
Panel 1: Clyde is burned beyond recognition and being rushed on a gurney down the hall, by medical staff.
CAPTION: Interior Of University Research Hospital.
CLYDE: ha ha ha ha !
NURSE: He’s been laughing like this since he got here, he must be in shock.
DOCTOR: He’s got burns over almost 100 percent of his body. He’s probably nuts from the pain. He’s not going to make it.
Panel 2:
NURSE: What do you suggest?
DOCTOR: Aside from giving him morphine there isn’t much we can do but watch his condition deteriorate. I say screw the burn center, take him to the lab downstairs. There’s a new radical treatment I’ve been working on, it’s proven successful in some studies. An organic gel bath that could regenerate the muscle and tissue he has lost.
DOCTOR 2: And if it doesn’t work?
DOCTOR: Then what are his options?
Panel 3:
CAPTION: Clyde’s charred body is lowered into a tomb filled with a gel like paste.
Page 15
Panel 1
Side view of Clyde in the gel bath.
CAPTION as days pass Clydes body begins to heal. His cells regenerate and his body mass doubles in size.
Panel 2
Birds eye view of the bath.
CAPTION The sixth day.
Panel 3:
Clydes massive arm ( the size of a huge body builder) rises from the gel,like something out of a horror flick. His skin is pale , almost white.
“THE FREAK” – JUSTICE GETS INSANE! By Harlan Lovestone
PAGE 1: SPLASH OF INTERIOR OF A NOVELTY SHOP
CAP: A young Clyde Stanpopalis is walking in a huge Detroit novelty store holding his dads hand. There are boxes towering up to the ceiling, giant balloon figures and shelves filled with merchandise. His father shows him around.
DAD: This shop has been in the family now for 2 generations. Someday son when your grown up this place will be all yours.
PAGE 2:
Panel One: Fullshot of Clyde, dad in background
CAP: Young Clyde runs about playfully. He feels so happy like he is in Disneyland.
Panel Two: Birdseye view
Suddenly we see older Clyde now in his mid thirties, glasses, a pencil neck geek, awakening at his desk in the novelty shop its covered with bills and invoices a real mess.
Panel Three: CU
He looks at and grabs a picture of his old man.
CLYDE: “Dad what am I supposed to do? “ I can’t pay off this debt. The shops in hock. It’s all too much ! I’m not strong like you. I feel like I’m going crazy!! How I wish you were here. You’d know what to do. I’ve made so many mistakes.
He begins to cry.
Panel Four
A kid around 18 walks in named Eric Lloyd, Cylde’s shop assistant. “Yo, boss looks like it’s a slow day, you don’t mind if I take off early do you?”
CAP: Eric Lloyd, a young ambitious 19 year old who wants to be a filmmaker. He has worked for Clyde for 3 years now. One day he came in begging for a job. Times are hard in the Motor city. The job helps Eric with his overwhelming responsibilities at home. Clyde hasn’t had the heart to tell him the shop is in trouble, although Eric senses something is wrong of late.
Panel 5
ERIC: Yo Boss, Since business is slow this afternoon, I figured I’d take off early take care of some things.
CLYDE- :Yeah, sure sure. (hiding tears)
PAGE THREE
Panel 1
ERIC: You alright man?
CLYDE: Yeah everything’s fine.
ERIC : Oh, I was wondering if I could get a pay advance today. You see ,classes just started and I could really use the bread for school right now. You know how it is.
CLYDE: Sure.Why not.
Panel 2
CAP: He hands the kid some cash out of his pocket.
ERIC: aw man I don’t mean to take your last buck. You can pay tomor…
CLYDE: No you take it. I’ll go to the ATM later.
ERIC: you sure?
Panel 3
CLYDE: Just spend it wisely grasshopper. On books and supplies .
ERIC: Ah man, you know it! Thanks Clyde.
Panel 4
CLYDE: Lock up behind you I think I’m talking off early too.
ERIC: Ok. See ya tomorrow!
Clyde: Alright see ya.
Panel 5
Eric leaves the shop on his bike.
Panel 6
Back in the shop Clyde holds his head in despair.
There is a knock at the door.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1 Clyde rising from his desk.
Clyde: Alright Eric I’ll be right there. Let me grab my keys .
Panel 2
Clyde takes a cocktail psychotropic drugs and heads to the door.
Panel 3
CAP: Clyde pulls keys out of his desk…
Panel 4
CAP…and goes to the door and opens it.
Panel 5
CAP: Two big suited thugs push their way in. Muscles Malone and Danny Cool.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1
DANNY: Hello, Clyde. Long time no see.
CLYDE: I wasn’t expecting you this early.
Panel 2
DANNY: Well, you know how it is. Mr. Howard sent me to see how you were doing. He likes to be abreast of his investments.
CAP: Danny of course is referring to Mr. Josh Howard. A wealthy business man who lives in Birmingham , a ritzy burb just outside Detroit. Howard is one of Motown’s self made racketeers who front’s his nefarious operations as a legit car parts dealer.
Clyde: (Scared) W..Well I’m fine just fine.
Panel 3
DANNY: You have three days left Clyde to come up with the money. How’s that going?
Panel 4
Clyde doesn’t answer. H e just looks down at the floor and sweats buckets.
PAGE SIX
Panel 1
Muscles grabs him and smacks him.
Panel 2
DANNY: I asked you a friggin question worm.
Clyde: I…I…. I still don’t have the money.
The thugs laugh at Clyde stutter and sweat.
DANNY: Clyde you never told us you had a stutter. I I I I I I I. …ha ha haThat is priceless. Tsk tsk tsk, but You still don’t have the money. Not Good Clyde.No Siree. Mr. H ain’t gonna like that.
CLYDE: Look I still have 3 days, I swear I’ll get you the money.
Panel 3
DANNY: Don’t worry about me getting the money, worry about paying Mr.H on time. Yes Clyde you do have 3 days. But I know your type. You’re a loser. And like all the rest you won’t have the money when the time is up. And that’s when this place becomes ours and Muscles here breaks both your legs and then you disappear like Jimmy Hoffa. Nothing personal of course, but we have to set examples so others get the hint that it pays to pay on time. One guy gets away with something and then everyone wants some slack. It’s not good economics.
Panel 4
DANNY : Your a good Kid Clyde. Soft, but a good kid. Your not built for pain and violence. Gezz look at this dump, whoopee cushions, ballons. It’s a joke. We don’t want this useless crap. You got 3 days freak! Try to come up with the friggin’ cash.
The thugs leave. Clyde is shaking. Finally he yells
“Get out you creeps.!!!!
Panel 5
Black
CAPTION: 3 days later.
PAGE 7
Panel 1
Eric is sitting at the counter as clyde walsk out of his office.
CLYDE: Hey Eric why don..Why don’t you take off early today.
ERIC: Gee you sure? I still got another hour left on the clock.
CLYDE: Nah, go home. Let me give you something for today.
Panel 2
ERIC: That’s ok. You just advanced me the other day remember?
CLYDE: Eric I haven’t been completely honest with you. Truth is you know the shop hasn’t been don’t well and today, today is probably the last day.
ERIC: What do you mean?
CLYDE: I’m closing the shop.
Panel 3
ERIC: Aw man don’t do that. I’m sure its just a set back, things will turn around. There building all over this neighborhood. This is just a slump you’ll see.
CLYDE: Eric we’ve been in a slump since you started working here 3 years ago. Look don’t worry I put in a good word for you at Mr.Dahala’s Grocery. Just tell him you need a job and he’ll hire you.
ERIC: I wish you had told me all this the other day when I asked for money. If you had told me then I wouldn’t have asked.
CLYDE: Don’t worry about it. Just stay in school and don’t forget me when you’re a big time filmmaker.
Panel 4
ERIC: I won’t. I don’t know how to thank you Clyde. You’ve been the best boss I’ve ever had. I guess I’ll see you around.
Panel 5
Clyde looks down
CLYDE: sure you will
PAGE *
Panel 1
Eric leaves out as Clyde continues standing and looking down.
Panel 2 Same pose except Clyde is crying
Panel 3 Same pose but Clyde is real letting the tears flow
Panel 4. Same pose but now he lets out a giggle.
PAGE 9
Panel 1 More giggling!
Panel 2 Clyde is cackling insanely.
Panel 3 Clyde pulls open a desk drawer with a lighter inside.
Panel 4 Clyde pulls out the lighter
PAGE 10
Panel 1
Clyde goes into a storage room.
Panel 2
He unloosens a gas meter. And laughs histerically.
Panel 3
Clyde graps a Louieville slugger and a stuffed chimp toy.
Panel 4
The front door opens.
PAGE 11
Panel 1
Danny Cool and Muscles Malone walk in.
DANNY: OK. Clyde it pay or pray day.
Panel 2:
Clyde jumps out behind the counter with the louieville and begins busting up his own counter.
CLYDE: How about play day?!!!! HA HA HA HA!
Panel 2:
Muscles begins to pull out his gun.
DANNY : Well look who jumped off the nut wagon. Let me guess you ain’t got the money, but you think you got an equalizer is that it? You might as well toss the slugger. We’ll just cap you one now and beat you with it afterwards.
Panel 3:
Clyde puts down the bat but he has an insane look in his eyes.
Panel 4
Muscles grabs him and lifts Clyde up in the air off his feet. Clyde is still laughing insanely.
DANNY: I guess he really is off his rocker. Wait a minute what’s that smell.
PAGE 12
Panel 1: Close up of the gas tank leaking.
Panel 2: Clyde reaches down in his pocket
Panel 3: He throws a lit lighter into the storage room.
DANNY: CRAP! RUN!!!
PAGE 13
Panel 1: Exterior shot of the building exploding.
PAGE 14
Panel 1: Clyde is burned beyond recognition and being rushed on a gurney down the hall, by medical staff.
CAPTION: Interior Of University Research Hospital.
CLYDE: ha ha ha ha !
NURSE: He’s been laughing like this since he got here, he must be in shock.
DOCTOR: He’s got burns over almost 100 percent of his body. He’s probably nuts from the pain. He’s not going to make it.
Panel 2:
NURSE: What do you suggest?
DOCTOR: Aside from giving him morphine there isn’t much we can do but watch his condition deteriorate. I say screw the burn center, take him to the lab downstairs. There’s a new radical treatment I’ve been working on, it’s proven successful in some studies. An organic gel bath that could regenerate the muscle and tissue he has lost.
DOCTOR 2: And if it doesn’t work?
DOCTOR: Then what are his options?
Panel 3:
CAPTION: Clyde’s charred body is lowered into a tomb filled with a gel like paste.
Page 15
Panel 1
Side view of Clyde in the gel bath.
CAPTION as days pass Clydes body begins to heal. His cells regenerate and his body mass doubles in size.
Panel 2
Birds eye view of the bath.
CAPTION The sixth day.
Panel 3:
Clydes massive arm ( the size of a huge body builder) rises from the gel,like something out of a horror flick. His skin is pale , almost white.