VOSTOK #2 - We just keep going...

[davidaccampo]

OK, so all the input on the first issue of Vostok has been invaluable, and I want to thank everyone for your feedback.

Meanwhile, we've just finished up the script to the SECOND issue. So, once again, we'd love to get feedback. So if you've got the time, check it out and let me know what you think: www.laughingmadscribes.com/VOSTOK_02.htm

And if you haven't read the script for the first issue, it's still online: www.laughingmadscribes.com/VOSTOK_01_revised.htm

That version doesn't have the last few tweaks that we've made from Jayvee's last comments, but it's basically what we're doing for #1.

[davidaccampo]

so...no takers...?

Really curious to see what you guys think of this after the 1st issue...

[nolan]

David, I'll read it this weekend.

[jayvee]

I read half of this on Sunday and I'll probably end up reading it all over again and finishing it this afternoon, barring any more of my family's sudden decisions to inject chaos into our dealings. In any case, what struck me as I read the second script is that it doesn't flow nearly as well as the first one does; there weren't nearly as many great character moments in the half I read and, though there may be some really great ones I haven't gotten to yet, this one seems like a whole lot more exposition and scientific terminology stuff that you already got mostly out of the way in #1. Also, the panel descriptions aren't nearly as fluid; I had to go back and re-read the first panel on the first page two or three times to figure out what you meant to say, and even then it was just a guess.

Anyway, I'll have more (and some more positive) feedback after work.

[davidaccampo]

Jayvee,

Thanks for reading. I actually had to go back and re-read the first page descriptions -- not that I'm scapegoating anyone, but JEREMY wrote those ( ;D ) -- and, yeah, I can see that they might be a bit confusing. I'm too close to it, so I read it quickly knew exactly what he was going for. So that's a good point. We'll take another pass at those.

As for the content -- I'll definitely let you read the whole thing first. We've slowed the pacing in the second issue, so you kinda have to read the whole thing before you can really get the character moments. I think there's some good stuff in there, but we'll see what you think.

Yeah, there's a lot of science jargon, but I think we kinda have to have that, don't you? I mean, I don't know about anyone else, but I definitely want to have these guys talking in scientific terms. But as you read the whole thing, I think (well, I hope) you'll see that the jargon actually has a lot of character stuff in it. Particularly in how they each related to one another.

Another note -- Beck narrates this issue, so he has a "character moment" that arches over the whole issue -- I'll be curious to see what you think of that.

Issues 3-5 will also each be narrated by a different crew member, so each one will have a distinctly different feel.

But anyway, I'll be curious to see if your opinion changes after you see where the issue ends.