Post by clipperdodge on Jun 19, 2006 14:26:45 GMT -5
Below I've posted a story I'm working on as a six issue mini-series. I'll post more concerning the actual story later if there's any interest. For now, I'm looking for comments and crits are my writing and storytelling (pace, dialogue, etc.).
Thanks. Enjoy.
Blackbadge#1
“Deliverance”
Created, and written by Don Edwards
Page 0
1/ the entire page is black with the exception of the following right in the middle in white regular type-face.
Deliver: 1. to set free 2. to assist in the birth of 3. to surrender to another : hand over 4. to take to the intended recipient 5. to send to an intended goal or target 6. to give or utter 7. to do what is desired or expected. Deliverable adj. deliverance n. deliverer n.
(Webster’s Dictionary)
Page 1
1/the silhouette of a man against the stark background of the sky. His full body is captured; it’s appears that he is leaping toward something. The sun is shining magnificently behind him.
Cap: Never been easy…
Page 2
1/the man is coming toward us, and there is another man behind him in the distance, flying off having just thrown this man…the man nearest us is Clipper Dodge, and he’s in HELO gear, big bulky goggles on, arms out in front of him, in his left hand clenched tightly is a sharp but well-used fireman’s axe. The wind is streaking his gray flattop and bushy mustache back. He’s not a young guy. The “old man” is in his mid 40s, easy.
Cap: The job. Being one of the guys they call on when the shit hits the fan.
Cap: Wasn’t easy when I was a regular joe beatin’ down flames and savin’ lives in the Apple. Sure as hell didn’t get any easier doin’ this.
2/ Dodge’s POV: he’s flying toward a 747 jet liner in mid-air, heading for the emergency door on the port side.
Cap: But none of us woulda signed up if it’d been easy, now, would we?
3/ left arm swinging, he pierces the skin of the plane near the door…the metal sparks.
Cap: And the pay leaves a lot t’be desired as well…but whatever.
4/ digs into a pocket with his right hand….
5/ producing a small pack of C4 explosive.
Cap: Of all the reasons on the planet t’be doing crazy shit like this…
6/ he slaps it on the door, the timer is set for only 3 seconds…
Cap: …money ain’t one of ‘em.
Page 3
1/ the C4 goes off.
2/ he dives into the hole, tossing something over his shoulder.
Cap: 9/11…
Cap: …the reason we do it.
3/ he rolls to the other side, withdrawing both pistols from his side holsters as some kind of elastic/foam device instantly expands to fill the hole he just created.
4/he’s standing now, guns cocked and ready.
Dodge: (quietly and to himself) Let’s roll.
CREDITS
Page 4
1/ the coach part of the plane. There are two terrorists armed with knives amidst a plane full of scared people. The stewardesses have been forced to retire to their stations. The terrorists are reacting to the explosion a few seconds ago, surprised looks on their faces…looking together in the direction of the noise.
2/ they’re downed instantly by bullets to the head, assassination-style.
3/ Dodge comes running out of the compartment, pistol silencers smoking.
Cap: Two down.
4/ he’s holstering the weapons as he approaches the partition to first class…unsnapping his knife from its sheath.
5/ he crouches onto the floor for a moment, hand to his ear….listening.
6/ from inside first class; two more terrorists, looking toward the partition, worried looks upon their faces; these guys have knives as well. One of them shouts a name toward the back…Ahmed or something.
Page 5
1/ up close shot of Dodge smiling.
Cap: There you are…
2/ on Dodge as he’s whipping out the blade, throwing it…
3/ poking through the first class partition…
4/ the knife finds it’s target in the terrorist’s neck, fatally wounding him, and surprising the hell out of the remaining terrorist.
5/ he darts his eyes over to the partition…
6/ to see Dodge up on him…
7/ the old man grabs him by the neck, gritting his teeth as he does so, breaking his neck with a subtle jerk.
8/Dodge has his hand on the handle to the pilot area when the dead body falls.
Page 6
1/ from inside the cockpit: Dodge swings open the door, shattering the lock with brute strength…catching the terrorists off guard (they have pistols trained on the pilots’ heads).
2/ tight on Dodge, yanking off the goggles.
Dodge: You bozos have seriously screwed up. This was supposed to be my day off.
3/ tight on his eyes; narrowed in anger…the blacks of his pupils expanding to fill the entire eye as he triggers his manifest.
4/ arms out; electricity erupts from his gloved fingertips…
5/ and kills the remaining two terrorists in seconds. Their bodies drop, smoldering.
6/ Dodge stands there a minute.
Dodge: Plane’s all yours again, fellas…do me a favor and take it down to below 10,000 feet…
Page 7
1/ he’s walking out, shocked and amazed passengers are staring at him.
2/ he stops in front of one little boy.
3/ grabs hold of the “Blackbadge” on his shoulder and rips it off the Velcro…
4/ …handing it to the kid.
5/ the kid is on cloud 9.
Page 8
1/ Dodge gets to the exit, putting the goggles back on, and a stewardess stops him, bewildered, and asks him a question.
Stewardess: Who…who are you?
2/ Dodge cuts the foam away with his knife.
Dodge: One of the good guys.
3/ steps to the edge of the opened doorway…waving at her.
4/ he jumps out the plane.
Dodge: Later, chica.
5/ disappears from sight into a cloud.
Cap: Still…ya can’t beat the benefits.
Cap: Couldn’t…I mean…
Page 9
1/ shot of Dodge, about 5-7 years older now and in the present day, dressed very differently in old worn jeans and a plaid shirt, sweating his ass off in the hot sun and drinking a tall glass of lemonade. He’s leaning up against a rusty old combine, aviator sunglasses on.
Cap: Damned memories.
2/ his POV; looking down at the German Shepard panting ever loyally at his feet.
Cap: Now look at me. Just some goofy old bastard with a half deaf dog for a best friend and some of the best damn lemonade for a hundred an’ fifty odd miles.
Dodge: (to the dog) The hell’re you grinnin’ at, boy? Won’t like you was the one made it…
3/ sets the glass down on the ground.
Dodge: Saved ya some, anyway, ya ole wolf. Drink up.
4/ Dodge walking away in the background; the dog lapping up the lemonade, nose deep down in the glass.
Cap: Funny how I can sometimes miss it and not miss it all at the same time…
Cap: The old days.
Cap: Some of the memories are peachy enough, sure….but there’s too many of the other kind…
Page 10
1/ a woman on her knees POV; watching as Dodge holds a nickel-plated .38 at her head, hammer cocked, and glinting in the moonlight of the old European alleyways that is the background. The ground is dirty cobblestone and there is the faint form of a female in shiny black leather behind him holding a gun as well, still smoking with a magenta energy.
Dodge: I don’t have a choice in this, ya see…
2/ sudden change in scenery. Tight in on a female’s eyes. They’re puffy and swollen and bloodshot from a fit of crying. Her eyes are pleading. In her pupil’s reflection, Dodge can be seen, wearing almost the same uniform from the first sequence just a few pages ago minus the goggles and HELO gear, of course.
Dodge: (weak) I'm so sorry, Gracie…
Grace: (weak) Please, no…wait…I'm--
3/ the flash of the muzzle.
4/ tight on Dodge’s face, now splattered with Gracie’s blood.
5/ His eyes shift.
Dodge: Ah, hell.
Page 11
1/ there’s a silhouette of a man at the entrance to the alleyway. He shouts out in sudden pain having witnessed this act. It’s Tempest Phoenix…having just watched Dodge assassinate his girlfriend in cold blood. Tempest is young man in his mid 20s, clean cut all around…decked out in a well-worn Blackbadge jumper. Brown hair, and brown eyes…fit but not too muscular.
2/ Phoenix sprints to her…
3/ …sliding in the puddles of standing rain water and embracing her lifeless body.
4/ on Dodge, his eyes wide with a look of what the hell have I just done on his face. The woman, Mercy Cresting still in the shadows behind him.
Mercy: Pregnant.
5/ on Tempest, Dodge’s POV. So much pain, so much blood.
Dodge: What did you say?
6/ tight on Tempest, eyes narrow…seconds before he erupts into the mad rage that sets them all on a course of disaster and death.
Caption: Mercy had said she was pregnant with Tempest’s son. I didn’t know they’d been seein’ each other in secret…I didn’t know she had gotten knocked up with his kid….so many things I just didn’t know….
Caption: So many things….I still don’t know….
Page 12
1/ the great pyramids of Egypt; in the midst of tourists and families eagerly taking snapshots of the ancient stonework, all of them, clearly amazed by these giant marvels.
Caption (narrative/ not Dodge): Half a world away.
2, 3 and 4/ the ground begins to shake as if an earthquake. Startled tourists begin to panic and dash about, fleeing from falling rock and debris.
5/ the ground continuing to shake…
Page 13
1/ …arcs of bluish energy appear from virtually nowhere.
2/ the arcs flare into bolts, sparking in between the pyramids and climbing further upward in to the empty sky, spiraling, until they meet at a point high above…
3/ the beginnings of a sphere begin to take shape, accompanied by an incredible, deafening hum in all directions.
4/ below, people are in full panic, scattering to wherever they can; some of them too riveted by amazement to move.
5/ in the middle of this sphere, the shape of a man begins to take shape…
Page 14
1/establishing shot of this man…it is Tempest Phoenix, but aged 5-7 years from his first appearance a few pages ago …thin but fit, by no means muscular…, a slightly dark complexion to his skin that is still smoldering with energy residue. His brown hair is long and uneven…unkempt and matted, his beard is ragged.
2/ close-up of his closed eyes.
3/ his eyes open…
4/ the blacks of his pupils begin to “blotch” out…growing in diameter…slight signs of energy brewing outward from the eyes…
Page 15
1/ the electricity intensifies within the sphere and all around this man…
2/ …growing in to a brilliant ball of blinding white light….the light becoming so intense that the man is no longer visible at this point.
3/ some of those watching below try to shield their eyes to see what’s unfolding before them.
4/the ball of light remains idle for a moment…hovering there in the sky…crackling with energy.
5 and 6/ some of the people that paused for a moment to watch are now screaming in agony as their skin begins to boil and burn.
7/ from below; the sphere suddenly explodes in a nuclear fury unmatched by even Nagasaki and Hiroshima standards.
Page 16
1/ aerial view; the shock waves echoing outward and devastating whatever is in its path.
2/ ground view; people and buildings are blown apart with equal force.
3/ vehicles, animals, street debris…everything is caught in the wake of this force.
4/ from a pedestrian’s POV, the wave is about to slam into us.
5/ it does.
6/ devastation lies beyond the wave as it passes, notably the sand that has been superheated to glass…the thin man in silhouette and tattered rags simply floating there in mid-air.
7/ from what little detail we can see, it appears as if he is pleased with his work.
Page 17
1/ he floats there for a minute…smoldering from his unscathed skin.
2/ down in the streets perspective of all the carnage that has ensued…an especially nice touch would be still cooking corpses of some of the tourists in the immediate foreground to establish the horror of what has transpired here. Waaaay up, in the background of the sky, the tiny silhouette of the man can be seen still hovering there.
3/ he descends down onto the still-smoking streets.
4/ tight on his face; he has a look that just screams I want to kill the whole fucking planet. Even with all that rage, there is still a hint of sadness in his eyes somehow.
5/ Tempest in silhouette.
Tempest: Dodge.
6/ same shot, but he is gone quick, any loose debris spiraling upward, caught up in the wash of his sudden take-off.
Page 18
1/ aerial view of the Pentagon.
2/ establishing shot of a computer jockey alone in a room full of modern day server equipment and columns of hard drives. He’s seated at a lone console, where there’s a good-sized LCD monitor, keyboard and mouse…steaming cup of something as he’s chowing down on a donut, scanning over the newspaper funnies.
3/ the screen comes to life suddenly, startling the guy.
4/ he’s tapping on the keyboards, but to no avail.
5/ picks up a cel phone. If you can see the screen, he’s dialing the number to his supervisor, a Major something-or-other…name not important.
6/ the guy is talking off-panel. On the screen, very prominently displayed is Dodge’s “sheet”, complete with all the info on him the Pentagon would have, including address.
Guy: Sir, I think the system’s on the damned fritz again…
Page 19
1/ back on the farm. There’s a cute little 4 year old girl swinging away in a homemade tire-swing hanging from one of the few trees around. In the background is Dodge and the dog, silhouetted as they walk back from the day’s work or whatever. This is Amelia, Dodge’s little girl.
Amelia: (excited) DADDY!!
2/ she runs over to him and they hug. Real big family moment.
Dodge: Hiya, stinker. How’s my little girl’s first day of school?
3/ on Amelia.
Amelia: I don’t like school. I wanna stay home and farm with you.
4/ Dodge kneels down to her level, index finger tapping against her little forehead.
Dodge: I hear ya, squirt. But ya gotta go t’ school to get smart, OK? Without smarts, ya never gonna get anywhere in this world and then what? Hmmm? You’ll hafta stay out here in the mean ol’ sun all day long and bust ya hump to make ends meet like me.
5/ scoops her up in a big ol’ hug.
Dodge: Then you’ll be all sweaty and gooey like me, too!!
The kid squeals in grossed-out glee.
6/ from the house: the front door’s open, and there’s a reasonably good looking woman there holding the door. This is Anna, Dodge’s wife and Amelia’s mom.
Anna: Dinner!!
Page 20
1/ Dodge puts Amelia down.
Dodge: Go ahead an’ wash up. Tell your Momma I’ll be there in a minute.
2/ he watches her trot off to the house.
3/ looking down at the dog, still got the glass lodged on to his nose. Dodge is smiling.
Dodge: Oh, yeah. Real killer you are. C’mere, ya nut.
(there’s a faint BOOM behind him.)
4/ he’s half turning, expecting to see an approaching storm…
Dodge: Hear that, old man? Sounds like a storm comin’…
5/ his face is frozen in mortal fear against the bright white light of the explosion before him that he barely has time to shield the dog from.
FX: KA-BOOM!!!
Page 21
1/ full page. The house is gone. All that is left is a smoldering crater. Dodge is running toward it for all that he has in him, screaming in complete terror.
Dodge: NOOOO!!!
Page 22
1/ a bluish column of energy explodes just in front of him, knocking Dodge on his ass.
2/ he’s slightly stunned and lying on the ground…beginning to pick himself up, and turning around.
3/ just he gets up, looking upward at the source, and there’s the silhouette of Tempest Phoenix, descending from the above him. We see this as if we are directly behind Dodge, in fact…
Tempest Phoenix: (with insurmountable hate) Dodge…..
---end issue 1----
DLE
Thanks. Enjoy.
Blackbadge#1
“Deliverance”
Created, and written by Don Edwards
Page 0
1/ the entire page is black with the exception of the following right in the middle in white regular type-face.
Deliver: 1. to set free 2. to assist in the birth of 3. to surrender to another : hand over 4. to take to the intended recipient 5. to send to an intended goal or target 6. to give or utter 7. to do what is desired or expected. Deliverable adj. deliverance n. deliverer n.
(Webster’s Dictionary)
Page 1
1/the silhouette of a man against the stark background of the sky. His full body is captured; it’s appears that he is leaping toward something. The sun is shining magnificently behind him.
Cap: Never been easy…
Page 2
1/the man is coming toward us, and there is another man behind him in the distance, flying off having just thrown this man…the man nearest us is Clipper Dodge, and he’s in HELO gear, big bulky goggles on, arms out in front of him, in his left hand clenched tightly is a sharp but well-used fireman’s axe. The wind is streaking his gray flattop and bushy mustache back. He’s not a young guy. The “old man” is in his mid 40s, easy.
Cap: The job. Being one of the guys they call on when the shit hits the fan.
Cap: Wasn’t easy when I was a regular joe beatin’ down flames and savin’ lives in the Apple. Sure as hell didn’t get any easier doin’ this.
2/ Dodge’s POV: he’s flying toward a 747 jet liner in mid-air, heading for the emergency door on the port side.
Cap: But none of us woulda signed up if it’d been easy, now, would we?
3/ left arm swinging, he pierces the skin of the plane near the door…the metal sparks.
Cap: And the pay leaves a lot t’be desired as well…but whatever.
4/ digs into a pocket with his right hand….
5/ producing a small pack of C4 explosive.
Cap: Of all the reasons on the planet t’be doing crazy shit like this…
6/ he slaps it on the door, the timer is set for only 3 seconds…
Cap: …money ain’t one of ‘em.
Page 3
1/ the C4 goes off.
2/ he dives into the hole, tossing something over his shoulder.
Cap: 9/11…
Cap: …the reason we do it.
3/ he rolls to the other side, withdrawing both pistols from his side holsters as some kind of elastic/foam device instantly expands to fill the hole he just created.
4/he’s standing now, guns cocked and ready.
Dodge: (quietly and to himself) Let’s roll.
CREDITS
Page 4
1/ the coach part of the plane. There are two terrorists armed with knives amidst a plane full of scared people. The stewardesses have been forced to retire to their stations. The terrorists are reacting to the explosion a few seconds ago, surprised looks on their faces…looking together in the direction of the noise.
2/ they’re downed instantly by bullets to the head, assassination-style.
3/ Dodge comes running out of the compartment, pistol silencers smoking.
Cap: Two down.
4/ he’s holstering the weapons as he approaches the partition to first class…unsnapping his knife from its sheath.
5/ he crouches onto the floor for a moment, hand to his ear….listening.
6/ from inside first class; two more terrorists, looking toward the partition, worried looks upon their faces; these guys have knives as well. One of them shouts a name toward the back…Ahmed or something.
Page 5
1/ up close shot of Dodge smiling.
Cap: There you are…
2/ on Dodge as he’s whipping out the blade, throwing it…
3/ poking through the first class partition…
4/ the knife finds it’s target in the terrorist’s neck, fatally wounding him, and surprising the hell out of the remaining terrorist.
5/ he darts his eyes over to the partition…
6/ to see Dodge up on him…
7/ the old man grabs him by the neck, gritting his teeth as he does so, breaking his neck with a subtle jerk.
8/Dodge has his hand on the handle to the pilot area when the dead body falls.
Page 6
1/ from inside the cockpit: Dodge swings open the door, shattering the lock with brute strength…catching the terrorists off guard (they have pistols trained on the pilots’ heads).
2/ tight on Dodge, yanking off the goggles.
Dodge: You bozos have seriously screwed up. This was supposed to be my day off.
3/ tight on his eyes; narrowed in anger…the blacks of his pupils expanding to fill the entire eye as he triggers his manifest.
4/ arms out; electricity erupts from his gloved fingertips…
5/ and kills the remaining two terrorists in seconds. Their bodies drop, smoldering.
6/ Dodge stands there a minute.
Dodge: Plane’s all yours again, fellas…do me a favor and take it down to below 10,000 feet…
Page 7
1/ he’s walking out, shocked and amazed passengers are staring at him.
2/ he stops in front of one little boy.
3/ grabs hold of the “Blackbadge” on his shoulder and rips it off the Velcro…
4/ …handing it to the kid.
5/ the kid is on cloud 9.
Page 8
1/ Dodge gets to the exit, putting the goggles back on, and a stewardess stops him, bewildered, and asks him a question.
Stewardess: Who…who are you?
2/ Dodge cuts the foam away with his knife.
Dodge: One of the good guys.
3/ steps to the edge of the opened doorway…waving at her.
4/ he jumps out the plane.
Dodge: Later, chica.
5/ disappears from sight into a cloud.
Cap: Still…ya can’t beat the benefits.
Cap: Couldn’t…I mean…
Page 9
1/ shot of Dodge, about 5-7 years older now and in the present day, dressed very differently in old worn jeans and a plaid shirt, sweating his ass off in the hot sun and drinking a tall glass of lemonade. He’s leaning up against a rusty old combine, aviator sunglasses on.
Cap: Damned memories.
2/ his POV; looking down at the German Shepard panting ever loyally at his feet.
Cap: Now look at me. Just some goofy old bastard with a half deaf dog for a best friend and some of the best damn lemonade for a hundred an’ fifty odd miles.
Dodge: (to the dog) The hell’re you grinnin’ at, boy? Won’t like you was the one made it…
3/ sets the glass down on the ground.
Dodge: Saved ya some, anyway, ya ole wolf. Drink up.
4/ Dodge walking away in the background; the dog lapping up the lemonade, nose deep down in the glass.
Cap: Funny how I can sometimes miss it and not miss it all at the same time…
Cap: The old days.
Cap: Some of the memories are peachy enough, sure….but there’s too many of the other kind…
Page 10
1/ a woman on her knees POV; watching as Dodge holds a nickel-plated .38 at her head, hammer cocked, and glinting in the moonlight of the old European alleyways that is the background. The ground is dirty cobblestone and there is the faint form of a female in shiny black leather behind him holding a gun as well, still smoking with a magenta energy.
Dodge: I don’t have a choice in this, ya see…
2/ sudden change in scenery. Tight in on a female’s eyes. They’re puffy and swollen and bloodshot from a fit of crying. Her eyes are pleading. In her pupil’s reflection, Dodge can be seen, wearing almost the same uniform from the first sequence just a few pages ago minus the goggles and HELO gear, of course.
Dodge: (weak) I'm so sorry, Gracie…
Grace: (weak) Please, no…wait…I'm--
3/ the flash of the muzzle.
4/ tight on Dodge’s face, now splattered with Gracie’s blood.
5/ His eyes shift.
Dodge: Ah, hell.
Page 11
1/ there’s a silhouette of a man at the entrance to the alleyway. He shouts out in sudden pain having witnessed this act. It’s Tempest Phoenix…having just watched Dodge assassinate his girlfriend in cold blood. Tempest is young man in his mid 20s, clean cut all around…decked out in a well-worn Blackbadge jumper. Brown hair, and brown eyes…fit but not too muscular.
2/ Phoenix sprints to her…
3/ …sliding in the puddles of standing rain water and embracing her lifeless body.
4/ on Dodge, his eyes wide with a look of what the hell have I just done on his face. The woman, Mercy Cresting still in the shadows behind him.
Mercy: Pregnant.
5/ on Tempest, Dodge’s POV. So much pain, so much blood.
Dodge: What did you say?
6/ tight on Tempest, eyes narrow…seconds before he erupts into the mad rage that sets them all on a course of disaster and death.
Caption: Mercy had said she was pregnant with Tempest’s son. I didn’t know they’d been seein’ each other in secret…I didn’t know she had gotten knocked up with his kid….so many things I just didn’t know….
Caption: So many things….I still don’t know….
Page 12
1/ the great pyramids of Egypt; in the midst of tourists and families eagerly taking snapshots of the ancient stonework, all of them, clearly amazed by these giant marvels.
Caption (narrative/ not Dodge): Half a world away.
2, 3 and 4/ the ground begins to shake as if an earthquake. Startled tourists begin to panic and dash about, fleeing from falling rock and debris.
5/ the ground continuing to shake…
Page 13
1/ …arcs of bluish energy appear from virtually nowhere.
2/ the arcs flare into bolts, sparking in between the pyramids and climbing further upward in to the empty sky, spiraling, until they meet at a point high above…
3/ the beginnings of a sphere begin to take shape, accompanied by an incredible, deafening hum in all directions.
4/ below, people are in full panic, scattering to wherever they can; some of them too riveted by amazement to move.
5/ in the middle of this sphere, the shape of a man begins to take shape…
Page 14
1/establishing shot of this man…it is Tempest Phoenix, but aged 5-7 years from his first appearance a few pages ago …thin but fit, by no means muscular…, a slightly dark complexion to his skin that is still smoldering with energy residue. His brown hair is long and uneven…unkempt and matted, his beard is ragged.
2/ close-up of his closed eyes.
3/ his eyes open…
4/ the blacks of his pupils begin to “blotch” out…growing in diameter…slight signs of energy brewing outward from the eyes…
Page 15
1/ the electricity intensifies within the sphere and all around this man…
2/ …growing in to a brilliant ball of blinding white light….the light becoming so intense that the man is no longer visible at this point.
3/ some of those watching below try to shield their eyes to see what’s unfolding before them.
4/the ball of light remains idle for a moment…hovering there in the sky…crackling with energy.
5 and 6/ some of the people that paused for a moment to watch are now screaming in agony as their skin begins to boil and burn.
7/ from below; the sphere suddenly explodes in a nuclear fury unmatched by even Nagasaki and Hiroshima standards.
Page 16
1/ aerial view; the shock waves echoing outward and devastating whatever is in its path.
2/ ground view; people and buildings are blown apart with equal force.
3/ vehicles, animals, street debris…everything is caught in the wake of this force.
4/ from a pedestrian’s POV, the wave is about to slam into us.
5/ it does.
6/ devastation lies beyond the wave as it passes, notably the sand that has been superheated to glass…the thin man in silhouette and tattered rags simply floating there in mid-air.
7/ from what little detail we can see, it appears as if he is pleased with his work.
Page 17
1/ he floats there for a minute…smoldering from his unscathed skin.
2/ down in the streets perspective of all the carnage that has ensued…an especially nice touch would be still cooking corpses of some of the tourists in the immediate foreground to establish the horror of what has transpired here. Waaaay up, in the background of the sky, the tiny silhouette of the man can be seen still hovering there.
3/ he descends down onto the still-smoking streets.
4/ tight on his face; he has a look that just screams I want to kill the whole fucking planet. Even with all that rage, there is still a hint of sadness in his eyes somehow.
5/ Tempest in silhouette.
Tempest: Dodge.
6/ same shot, but he is gone quick, any loose debris spiraling upward, caught up in the wash of his sudden take-off.
Page 18
1/ aerial view of the Pentagon.
2/ establishing shot of a computer jockey alone in a room full of modern day server equipment and columns of hard drives. He’s seated at a lone console, where there’s a good-sized LCD monitor, keyboard and mouse…steaming cup of something as he’s chowing down on a donut, scanning over the newspaper funnies.
3/ the screen comes to life suddenly, startling the guy.
4/ he’s tapping on the keyboards, but to no avail.
5/ picks up a cel phone. If you can see the screen, he’s dialing the number to his supervisor, a Major something-or-other…name not important.
6/ the guy is talking off-panel. On the screen, very prominently displayed is Dodge’s “sheet”, complete with all the info on him the Pentagon would have, including address.
Guy: Sir, I think the system’s on the damned fritz again…
Page 19
1/ back on the farm. There’s a cute little 4 year old girl swinging away in a homemade tire-swing hanging from one of the few trees around. In the background is Dodge and the dog, silhouetted as they walk back from the day’s work or whatever. This is Amelia, Dodge’s little girl.
Amelia: (excited) DADDY!!
2/ she runs over to him and they hug. Real big family moment.
Dodge: Hiya, stinker. How’s my little girl’s first day of school?
3/ on Amelia.
Amelia: I don’t like school. I wanna stay home and farm with you.
4/ Dodge kneels down to her level, index finger tapping against her little forehead.
Dodge: I hear ya, squirt. But ya gotta go t’ school to get smart, OK? Without smarts, ya never gonna get anywhere in this world and then what? Hmmm? You’ll hafta stay out here in the mean ol’ sun all day long and bust ya hump to make ends meet like me.
5/ scoops her up in a big ol’ hug.
Dodge: Then you’ll be all sweaty and gooey like me, too!!
The kid squeals in grossed-out glee.
6/ from the house: the front door’s open, and there’s a reasonably good looking woman there holding the door. This is Anna, Dodge’s wife and Amelia’s mom.
Anna: Dinner!!
Page 20
1/ Dodge puts Amelia down.
Dodge: Go ahead an’ wash up. Tell your Momma I’ll be there in a minute.
2/ he watches her trot off to the house.
3/ looking down at the dog, still got the glass lodged on to his nose. Dodge is smiling.
Dodge: Oh, yeah. Real killer you are. C’mere, ya nut.
(there’s a faint BOOM behind him.)
4/ he’s half turning, expecting to see an approaching storm…
Dodge: Hear that, old man? Sounds like a storm comin’…
5/ his face is frozen in mortal fear against the bright white light of the explosion before him that he barely has time to shield the dog from.
FX: KA-BOOM!!!
Page 21
1/ full page. The house is gone. All that is left is a smoldering crater. Dodge is running toward it for all that he has in him, screaming in complete terror.
Dodge: NOOOO!!!
Page 22
1/ a bluish column of energy explodes just in front of him, knocking Dodge on his ass.
2/ he’s slightly stunned and lying on the ground…beginning to pick himself up, and turning around.
3/ just he gets up, looking upward at the source, and there’s the silhouette of Tempest Phoenix, descending from the above him. We see this as if we are directly behind Dodge, in fact…
Tempest Phoenix: (with insurmountable hate) Dodge…..
---end issue 1----
DLE